Now we all know we’ve been in this position. Yes men, you too. You’ve just come from a heated argument and seek refuge and comfort from your closest friend(s). As soon as you get two sentences in, all of a sudden your friend goes on a rant about the injustice done to you, how you deserve better, and the right thing to do is leave him or her.
Now don’t get me wrong. I do believe some of our friends mean well, however their advice might do more damage than actually help the situation. Although their intent is to help you, the ultimate decision is yours to make and shouldn’t be influenced by that of your friends.
Here is what I suggest you do:
- Don’t run and tell your friends every single aspect of your relationship. You need to learn to separate the two relationships they are not the same. A friend should understand why you’d prefer to maintain some sort of privacy; like avoid mentioning the disagreements and fights. She/He doesn’t need to know that the two of you fought over different types of pasta, or worse your intimacy or lack thereof. SPECIALLY your intimacy. That is the most private aspect of your relationship and that “talk” should be with your significant other… not your friends.
- If you’ve disregarded my first point (which I’m sure most if not all of you have), be very careful at the advice you listen to. Some of you might be lucky and have wise friends (such as myself) and receive great advice. Others might have friends who are either inexperienced to your situation, jealous that you’re even in a relationship, or just want to shut up your nagging. Remember, people deal with things differently. You are not your friend. The best advice you should adhere to is that of which tells you how YOU should best handle the situation and make it BETTER. NOT the “if it were me’s” or “I would never”. There is a great chance she/he is lying anyways.
Truth is ladies and gentlemen, YOU are responsible for the decision you make within your relationship. No relationship is ever perfect. Perfection comes from perfecting your imperfections, working and mastering through your differences. All relationships has had their tough times. Also, when you run and tell friends every nook and cranny of your relationship, they become protective (well they should). So when they see you and your significant other all cuddly and “Kissie Kissie”, that won’t sit well with them. They’ll begin to think you’re choosing one over the other. This is something we want to avoid. Learn to separate the two relationships and KEEP it that way.
Also, “practice what you preach” is a big thing of mine. If said friend who is adamant that you listen to her/him has a history of broken and horrible relationships… I’d suggest that friend is a prime example of who NOT to listen to. Friends who have and are IN a currently positive and healthy relationship are those most likely to give you helpful advice.
HOWEVER… I am not condoning anyone who has chosen to stay in a relationship which is any sort of abuse (Verbal, Physical, Mental). I believe this is the exception to the rules mentioned earlier. We’ll cover that on our next “Black Love” session.
Written By: JADE
Disclaimer: All views expressed in this post is that of the author and not BLACK STREET entirely.